RELAX
Questo contributo ce l'ha inviato la Dottoressa Catherine Stefanato. Grazie Catherine!!
DOCTOR’S NOTES ON
PATIENT CHARTS (ACTUAL NOTES-UNEDITED!)
1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side over a year.
2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.
3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states that she was very hot in bed last night.
4. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1997.
5. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.
7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.
8. The patient has no past history of suicides.
9. The patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.
10. The patient refused an autopsy.
11.
The patient’s past medical history has been remarkably
insignificant with only a 40 pound weight
gain in the past three days.
12. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
13. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
14. Since she can’t get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might like to work her up.
15. She is numb from her toes down.
16. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.
17. The skin was moist and dry.
18. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.
19. The patient was alert and unresponsive.
20. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.
21. She stated she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.
22. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.
23. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.
24. Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.
25. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
26. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a lawyer instead.
27. Skin: somewhat pale but present.
28. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.
29. The patient was seen in consultation by Dr Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
30. The patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.